You might be a redneck goth if...

• your coffin is up on blocks.
• your hearse has a shotgun rack
• your wife-beater shirt is black.
• your coon dogs are named Bela and Lestat.
• you have a pair of black latex overalls, with no crotch.
• you drink the blood of animals at night, and then sodomize them.
• you have hickeys with fang marks.
• you check the blood type of your victim with a dipstick.
• you don't have two front teeth, but you do have fangs.
• your banjo is made of human flesh and bone.
• your blood comes in a box
• you hold late night walks and poetry readings, in a junkyard.
• you think Johnny Cash has "pretty lips"
• your coffin is lined with a velvet confederate flag
• your hearse's horn plays the first few notes of Dixie, in D minor.
• your hearse has Playboy mudflaps.
• you have a Moon tan line when wearing a short sleeve shirt.
• your coffin liner is black and grey plaid.
• your hearse is jacked up and sports dear lights.
• you smoke cloves in a corncob pipe.
• you dye your sheep black.
• you have elbow length black latex gloves, covered in pig shit.
• you midwived the cow your leather boots came from.
• your oh-so-spooky homepage is at www.y'all.com.
• that's engine grease on your face, not makeup.
• your bull's nose is pierced 6 times.
• even your teeth are black.
• your hearse has its doors welded shut.
• you have a black velvet Elvis painting, postmortem.
• your child's first words were "Ah! The light!".
• your hearse has a trailer hitch.
• you slit your wrists after your sister breaks up with you. - William Annis
• you draw the line at drinkin' the blood o' colored folk. - William Annis
• you write Gothic poetry about your "Achey Breaky Heart." - David Raehal
• your closing remark at a funeral is "Y'all come back now, hear?" - Theadeaus Aggrippa
• your rooster crows at moon rise - Theadeaus Aggrippa
• all the cars and car parts in your yard can be seen as a pentacle from low flyingt aircraft - Theadeaus Aggrippa
• your front porch were to collapse you would have killed 27 dogs if they weren't already dead - Theadeaus Aggrippa
• your favorite brew is blood light - Theadeaus Aggrippa
• your pick up truck is up on headstones - Theadeaus Aggrippa
• you have a flatbed hearse - Theadeaus Aggrippa
• barbed wire is not only functional but a fashion statement for your house - Theadeaus Aggrippa
• you have spent your life perfecting black corn - Theadeaus Aggrippa
• your great granddaddy still sits in his favorite rocking chair even though he is dead - Theadeaus Aggrippa
• you go to the family grave plot to pick up girls. - Andy Tiegs
• your coffin has a side-mounted spitoon - Marc Beltmann
• you fantasize about your sister while listening to "Sisters of Mercy" - Marc Beltmann
• your favorite monster truck is "Grave Digger" - Marc Beltmann
• you have a giant pentagram belt buckle - Marc Beltmann
• you have a bumper sticker that says "The dead will rise again" - Marc Beltmann
• your face is paler than your hood (mabye don't post this one) - Marc Beltmann
• you're too depressed for incest. - Marc Beltmann
• you live in a double-wide mausoleum. - Marc Beltmann
• you wear a black condom when you screw your sister. - Marc Beltmann
• you have a copy of "press eject and give me the tape" on 8-track. - Josh Gross
• your granny crochets your fishnets - bellatrix
• you make bondage jewelry out of old tires - bellatrix
• you name your lice after members of the Cure - bellatrix
• you thought 'the Crow' should have been called 'the Chicken' - bellatrix
• your favorite comic is "Johhny the Homicidal Tractor" - bellatrix
• you have a red flannel trenchcoat - bellatrix
• you buy your makeup from the hardware store. - Jesse Jacobs
• you brand your cattle with the Bauhaus logo. - SpOoKyGiRl
• you are the 7th son of a 7th son and your sister. - Doug Krainman
• you bought Project Pitchfork thinking it was a country album. - Wolfe
• your top hat has a "John Deer" patch on the front. - Stacy "Big Daddy" Daugherty
• you love Skinny Puppy......with taters and gravy. - Stacy "Big Daddy" Daugherty
• you own the entire Anne Rice collection but it just sits there because you're illiterate. - Jackson Lanners
• you claim that the bullet holes in your broken television set show your 'artistic side' and reflect your 'distaste for the media.' - sheri
• you have an Elvira pinup in your outhouse. - Jestin M Speet
• someone yells "Hoedown!" and your dominatrix hits the floor. - Malcus Dorroga
• you get up at 4 AM every morning to collect eggs from the raven coop. - Ted Prodromou
• your bath water is black when you are done and you DID NOT just dye your hair. - Lord Dellamorté
• you think black tape for a blue girl is a way to fix your home. - Morgan Lefay
• your beer cans have fang marks - Zombie
• Screwing your sister involves digging her up first. - Darksoul
• Your wife, mother, sister and dominatrix are all the same person. - Darksoul
• It's easier to get a pet alligator than a rat. - Darksoul
• You paint your pet gator black. - Darksoul
• You burn upside down crosses. - Darksoul
• You play a recording of "Amazing grace" backwards to hear the hidden messages. - Darksoul
• Instead of a scarecrow in your crops, you have a rotting corpse on a stick. - Kashashaptu
• You and your pitbull share the spiked collar. - Malkchild
• Your PVC/Fishnet shirt has your name on the pocket. - Anonymous Coward
• you have been known to shoot at the sun. - Alison
• You can't wear a black wool sweater because it reminds you of your first love. - RACRX